i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
only you would photoshop your dick
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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