That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
