Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
