I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize