Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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