good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
