Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
