Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
