He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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