First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
