I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
