This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
