My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do vagina's smell?
my shit smells like andre
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
