the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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