i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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