He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
