Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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