I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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