At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
