happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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