Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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