it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
