i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
