so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
