arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
