I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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