Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
