I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
