Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
