And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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