I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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