So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
