Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize