VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize