that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
