Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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