Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
