I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
