So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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