Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize