He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
