your parents love me but you hate me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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