YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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