and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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