those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
