burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
