I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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