Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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