I just saw a hot homeless man
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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