Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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