Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
