This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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