I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
