Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
