I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You took a bar mat shot.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
