I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
