at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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