my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
3 2 1 whiskey
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
