I hate your face
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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