my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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