yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We need to get me chipped asap
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
