I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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