i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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