Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
