Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
