shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
