have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
