if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
