I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
