Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
